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A mental health series- Can people truly see you? Do they actually care? What they don't see is what you're constantly trying to repair. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt. Behind that smile could be a hurting heart.
My heart is a prison of have you tried?s Have you tried eating better? Have you tried getting out of bed? Have you tried not being sad? Have you tried being more like me? Yes, I have tried. Yes, I am still trying and yes, I am still sick.
Mental illness is intangible yet damaging. It's the constant effort to conceal our inner struggled behind a smile. It's the voice in our heads telling us to stay quiet will we wage internal wars. It's the fear of speaking up.
Eating disorders do not have a "look." They can come in all forms of shapes and sizes.
Along with the thoughts “am I too much?” the reality that I almost always am. But I have realized I would rather be too much than not enough, and not enough is something I will never be. Someone who made me fear love so badly that I don't even love myself anymore. I avoid every mirror I walk past now. Which hands made my body feel like it was only worthy of sensual touch, no hand holding, no hair stroking, nothing unless the lights were shut off. Who convinced me that love was painful.
I’ve seen it all. Sat front row in every devastating fall, but i’ve also flourished. And if they can not bear the intensity of my decline, they wont stand a chance amongst my uprise.
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