Life, Anonymous (14)

My life has been an absolute cesspool since 6th Grade. For years, I wondered what made people do bad things/make them evil. The answer is social rejection, abandonment, etc. Going into middle school was a happy time, and I thought it would actually be fun. I was so wrong. A video surfaced of me on social media, and I was harassed, bullied, teased, and hit for the majority of 6th and 7th grade. I tried committing suicide twice that school year. It was a never-ending bottomless pit. It got better in 8th grade. After 6th grade, I was diagnosed with PTSD from my doctor. That kind of died down into 8th grade, and I was grateful that I had maintained my sanity in those grueling hard times. 9th grade, present-day, is when I just lost it. Another video had yet again surfaced, an edited clip of me saying something racist, even though I was using that in comparison to saying something else, I did not say it. But of course, people didn't believe me and my life turned to shit again. Everyone would refuse to believe that the video was fake, and it made those same suicidal thoughts come back. My already-existing depression kicked in and gave me the saddest time I have ever experienced in my life. I was mentally and physically drained from the past few years, and I still questioned my sanity after that. I have friends, but it would be nice to know that people around me don't despise me for political opinions and that one video. Instead of just wanting to kill myself, I wanted to hurt others, specifically the ones who hurt me most. Every day I wake up and think to myself, "Why am I still here? More torture?" I honestly don't know. There's no point in doing all this, suffering this much, battling your inner demons trying to emerge the victor, but by defeated in the end. So what do you think? Is it worth it to go on? Is it worth it to battle through the demons of hell and make it out? Is there any comeback from being hated this much? I don't know. It seriously disturbs me that there is such a lack of human decency and humanity in my school, that people don't treat people as humans, but rather as objects and worthless pieces of gunk. Any advice? Tips? I honestly don't know what to do from this point onward.

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