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Love you in silence, Anonymous

Let me share my interrupted/radical love story that I've been keeping it on a 2-sheet of paper for a long,long time (unfinished as you know the love is still there). It's a long story tho but I really wanted to let it out. We've known each other since we were 10. He was teased on my girl best friend and on the other hand, I was teased on his boy best friend. Most of the time he's calling me on the telephone and we talked about each others best friend. Well actually, I have a crush on his best friend and lil crush on him bcoz why not? He's got an angelic and cute face, by the way :) After 2 years his family went abroad for good. I'm not affected at all coz we're still young and don't even know how I felt that time. Fast forward to college, year 2008, I was 17 that time. He came back for a short vacay. One of his family member,a friend of mine, texted me that he wanted to see me and our other friends. So, I gathered everyone and met them at the mall. Since, I am the one who's kinda close to him, I am the only one who talked to him (most of the time) during our meet up. We ate pizza which is his treat for us. And I still remember that he put some pizza on my plate (note* there were 3 girls on the same table including me but he did not do it to the others). Kinda sweet but hey no malice. Days went by and we are getting to know each other (deeply).. Always texting/calling each other. We also went and get to see movie where he kissed me for the first time. I don't even know what to say but the feeling is mutual. What was on my mind that time is "I don't have to wait long for him to court me and give him my yes to be his girlfriend". So we started dating. Yes, in that short time and I was happy being with him. I don't need to detail every memories that I have on my mind. Let's move forward to the time he went back to States...LDR was hard. We have to video call everyday and keep the communication alive. Since I was a college student, I have to focus on my studies and get along with my new friends as well. So, for more than 4 months we're like that. Text/call/video call but not everyday :( Things were not good and we lost our communication. No calls or texts. IT SUDDENLY STOPPED!!! I was hurt and lonely not even knowing the reason why or what just happened to our relationship. After so many months I fell in love with a guy who has a good sense of humor, a guy who loves me very much and willing to do anything even though I rejected him for like 6 times... And to be honest, we're still together til now. What's bothering me is that I cannot move on from him, my ex. I don't know why but I am dreaming of him every now and then. For how many years he CAME BACK (again)!! I was surprised when I saw him that month of May. Who wouldn't be surprise that you see your ex and you know that you have no closure of your relationship with him? I wanted to faint, my heart melted when I saw him. He approached me personally and my sister to have dinner and have some party at his place. I said yes with no hesitation because I know that some friends are gonna be there also. I enjoyed partying, drinking and playing beerpong with him. With some alcohol in our mind I knew that we we're brave to face each other. I saw him staring at me. We enjoyed taking group pictures together. I was so shocked when he tried to kissed me and it was captured by someone else's camera. We also got our chance to walk and talk for awhile. SILENCE WAS THERE! He offered me a sit where I can face him & we started talking... We talked about the things that's left unsaid or I should call it US, OUR RELATIONSHIP! He then asked me "What happened?" and I told him that I waited for him to communicate but he never called me again. I was thinking that maybe he doesn't love me anymore or the love is gone and never wanted to come back. He's just there listening to me. (In that moment of silence, "WHAT HAPPENED TO US?") HE TRIED TO WIN ME BACK.. He told me that maybe we can start over again then he started kissing me slowly. First in my forehead, next is on my nose and lastly he was about to kiss me on my lips. I felt that the world is on a slow motion that time. But ooopss, wait a minute! In my mind I was thinking and suddenly said to him that I have a boyfriend and I am happy to be with him. (well in fact, i don't know. Yes I love my current bf but I'm still in love with my ex) Ex,is still on my mind. HIM! He respect my decision and offered a handshake while saying "friends?". I sad "of course, Yes". We decided to go back to our friends until it's time to go home. In the car he sat beside me and walked for a little til we reached my house. While walking, he's kinda hugging me. <3 Before I went inside the house, he leaned and kissed me goodbye. I can say that that was the most heart-breaking but one of the most happiest day of my life. I never got the chance to see him when he came back here for vacation. It just broke my heart knowing and hearing that him and my sister were calling each other and I have a feeling that you two are together. I hate him/them for that!! It broke my heart! I know that their relationship is just for short time (only for his vacation here and my instinct is correct by the way). And the family member of his which is a friend of mine, told me that he realized that he was wrong and hoping that it could be me instead of my sister. Idk but yes, that should be me and he realized he was wrong so o-k. There's this one time I was at the hospital and he visited me with our elementary friends.He was just staring at me and couldn't say a word because my mom and dad was there. He just texted me to get well soon and he wanted to celebrate my birthday outside the hospital. I smiled the whole night knowing that he wanted to see me again. Up until now, his face appeared in my dreams. Mostly, thrice a month or once a month or sometimes twice a week. I don't know but in those dreams of mine we wanted to be with each other but in reality we cannot </3 I know that he has a girlfriend now and I am so happy for him. I also heard he went back to our country to study and we're one island away. (so near yet so far) I choose to love him in silence til now. My current bf didn't know this but he knows that I was madly, deeply in love with my ex before. Fate will find its way and if we're destined for each other then we will be together no matter what. For now, I am happy and I hope he is happy too. Will see what's in store for both of us, may it be us or not us is okay. If you're reading this, please know that IT'S POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE IN SILENCE. I am open and hear to listen to anyone's opinion or story.


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