My mind, Anonymous (20)

I honestly fucking hate myself so much and I can’t put into words why. I’m so self-destructive but no one will ever know about it because I look so put together on the surface. I go to school and I work nonstop and this shit is honestly ridiculously easy for me. I’m either constantly bored or in a mental Warzone. I don’t know who is in my head that keeps telling me to kill myself but he’s never left since I was eight. I don’t tell anybody how I really feel or talk about any of this shit because I honestly don’t feel like anybody’s worth my time not even myself. I just continue on continuing. I’m only 20 and I feel like I’ve lived lifetimes. I’m so empathetic with any and everybody because I love to relate to emotions that aren’t mine because my emotions are so absent. To be honest to be completely honest I feel like most people think exactly what I’m thinking they just haven’t realized it yet. I don’t think there’s any point to staying alive besides releasing oxytocin to your loved ones. Just chemical reactions in the brain that lead to emotion. I could do without. But they can’t.