My triggers, Sophie (16)

I don't really know where to start, I don't ever speak about these things but they're such a big part of my life I feel like I need to say them out loud. My triggers aren't common things, they're not things people would think to put a tw on or speak about sensitively around me, they're normal things people do every day. My triggers are, people screaming my name, people laughing or shouting at each other both when I'm with them and when I'm in another room, doors slamming, lip biting, the list could go on more but I think I should explain these first, people screaming my name stems from when my dad had an old girlfriend, they would both get drunk often and have fights, mostly verbal but would always end up with the police being called, one day they were fighting upstairs whilst I and my sister was downstairs, suddenly I heard banging and screaming, my step mum began to screech my name along with 'help he's killing me, call the police' he wasn't, she would do this to portray my dad as abusive, she had bipolar and was thinking my dad was abusive when he wasn't, ever since then every time someone shouts my name I stop and take a breath, I sweat and feel like crying. the laughing and shouting come from similar experiences, every time I hear a loud laugh or even a loud voice in a situation where I'm not able to see their body language, it makes me freeze and tense up, I hold my breath waiting for the screaming and shouting to start. lip biting comes from my mum, when she bit her lip that was a warning she was about to flip, the image I think of when I see that is her, telling me she was going to kill my 2-year-old sister (who was napping at the time) and put her dead body in my bed when I was asleep, the exact image of that will forever stay in my mind even though it was 6 years ago, I hope this wasn't to much, it feels so good to have finally said this out loud.

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