One word, Anonymous (15)

It was one word. One dumb word from a dumb boy changed me. As someone who uses confidence as a way to ignore my self-degrading thoughts, you wouldn’t think it would’ve bothered me. You wouldn’t think anything would bother me because I’m so concerned about what I think of myself. But being called a whale in front of your whole class on a school trip is what opened my mind to focus on everyone else’s idea of me. It’s not something I want, for people's opinions on me to matter, but subconsciously it’s their opinions that control me. Now I feel slightly guilty putting this in the eating disorder category, but I don’t exactly know the word for it. I look in the mirror, begging myself not to eat, but decide I need to be healthy and eat anyways. Every day this happens. Everyday. my weight doesn’t relate to my happiness. I can eat all the food in the world and be the happiest person alive but I can also eat nothing for 3 days and never crack a smile. I’m learning how to love myself and I’m learning how to take care of myself and I’m learning that you are beautiful and you are the only person who’s opinion matters.

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