Star on the outside but broken inside, Anonymous (15)

I wouldn’t say I have a very rare story or anything special. I'm like most teenagers in this world. I’ve lived across seas and my family has always moved every year or so. Moves always come with hard changes and new places. I guess I could say what made it the hardest is that I never made close enough friends. I never really had that best friend that everyone has or their group. I always had to start over again and again. The closest I had to me was family. I’m a pretty good kid. I’ve always been a top A student and never got in trouble. At school, I’m known as the talented lucky one. But what no one knows is that at home I’m just the girl alone and broken. No one knows much of my personal life and this year especially has been life-changing and hard on me. I lost my best friend who is the most important person to me. I also have had problems with severe depression and anxiety. My mental health has been unstable for a while. I can't even remember what it’s like to be happy and stable. I struggled with self-harm and still to do this day force myself not to do it. It is not easy at all but I do want to say for others and anyone reading this to never even try it. It might not seem like it but it becomes addictive. You completely ruin yourself and your life with it. I wish I never even thought of it in the first place. So please I’m begging you to stay away from it. It's never the solution. Never. I’ve also had relationship issues with my boyfriend. Relationships can be extremely hard and especially with our situation. It's not something I want to talk about or feel the need to talk about. But the main thing I want to say is that it’s so important in your life to have someone to talk to. so so so important. You cant get through things entirely alone and it’s ok to need help. After losing my best friend I lost that person to talk to and that’s what broke me. I cry every day and night with a feeling of emptiness and hurt. Sometimes the hurt is too strong to the point that I don’t have tears and just stare into the empty darkness. The worst part about it is that nobody knows what’s going on. Nobody knows the real me. The girl trapped in her room alone and crying. The one who is hurting inside to the point where they have to fake a smile just so everyone can think you’re ok. The thing is that you wish everyone could see how you’re really hurting. But you don’t want the attention and you don’t want people to think it’s for attention. All you want is a hug from a certain person and just someone to talk to. You just want someone’s support. But I end up hurting in silence and losing my mind when no one's around. So please find someone to talk to and make sure you have someone who will always be there for you. Once you lose that, then you feel like you have no point in life. You don’t know what to do or what to think or what to say. If you have that person please never take them for granted. Hold onto them forever and don’t ever let them go. You’re truly lucky. I don’t want to say much of my story because I don’t feel comfortable but I do want others to at least know that always make sure you have that person. Thank you for reading and with whatever you’re going through know that there’s always an end. Stay strong. You matter.