Ever since I switched schools in 6th grade and started at a new school, I have put on a face of someone who is not me. Everyone views me as the perfect girl, the one who wears all the trendy clothes, is spoiled, and has a perfect life. I wanted to change myself when I started at my new school because I didn't want to be a young, shy girl who was bullied anymore. Well, needless to say, it worked, but not in the way I wanted it to. my friends started telling me that I had nothing to complain about because everything in my life was so perfect. if I had an argument with my parents and was really upset, I couldn't talk to them about it because some of my friends didn't have good relationships with their parents as I did with mine, so I knew they would say that I was being dramatic. I also just didn't want to seem like a brat and whine so I kept my mouth shut. this began to get progressively worse as people began to point out that I only wore expensive clothes, but what they didn't know was that my dad and mom were working their asses off to get me those clothes. there were periods in my 8th-grade year that I didn't see my mom for a whole week because she was working so much. at this point, I became very self-isolated with my feelings and felt depressed. I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. I couldn't talk to my friends because they would say I'm being ungrateful, I couldn't talk to my mom cause she wasn't even their and I've never really been able to talk about stuff with my dad or brother. the point is is that I put on this facade of who I really am so I won't be judged or bullied but it's tearing me up inside and it has been since 7th grade. on top of this, I began to feel extremely self-conscious of my body because "perfect" girls have the "perfect" bodies. so I started to run and workout every day (this is the present btw I'm doing this right now). I also started eating healthier and cutting foods out but now I feel like it is not working so I want to cut meals. I just wish I could talk to someone about this, not my mom because she can't do anything about it, but someone who would actually understand and help me out of the deep hole I've dug myself. I suppose this is all my fault but I don't know what to do anymore. my mindset is constantly on not eating and working out and that's it. I just need to be skinny. And not have people put me in a category of being the perfect popular girl when in reality I'm anything but that.
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