So I lost my cousin when I was 13, in 2016. I’ll tell you right away that she was not supposed to die. She had a minor cancer stage 1 and was an athlete, so needless to say that nobody considered the possible fact that she would die. But then my mom called us into the living room at 5 PM and told us that she had died in the morning, alone in her hospital room, bleeding and drowning in the blood that was filling her lungs. It took her approximately 20 mins to die. The hospital said it was instant, that she didn’t suffer. How can someone not suffer from drowning for 20 f***ing mins?? From that moment to today, nothing matters. I keep thinking that I could've changed the outcome, because a month before she died, my mom asked me if I wanted to talk to her on the phone. I said no because I was scared it might be the last time I could talk to her. Being scared paralyzed me. And I keep thinking that if we have a destiny with hundreds of thousands of possible variables and outcomes, then maybe that phone can would have saved her. I’ll never know. And it’s eating me from inside.