Thoughts, Anonymous (17)

As a rising senior in high school, there are so many things to be thinking about: senior sports seasons, upcoming traditions and events, and the one thing stressing everyone out, college. I can't help but compare myself to the other people in my grade and the rush of anxiety and fear I feel when I realize I'm not as smart, talented, or athletic as a lot of them. Even my closest friends are applying to Ivy League schools or ones that make them really happy but I don't have any of that figured out yet. I'm starting to feel my stomach sink every time I think about the possibility of not getting into any of the schools I applied to or even not getting into any but my "safeties." It's stressing me out to the degree that I have started to take it out on my family over the smallest arguments and it hurts when my siblings say "whatever you'll be gone in a year anyways" to hurt me in a fight because even though I'm looking forward to the college life and experience, it's going to take ALL of me to succeed academically and mentally in a place I've never called home before. I wish I was smarter so that I didn't have to worry about taking subject tests just to make me a better candidate or get tutoring for every subject. It also pains me to realize that as I am writing this, I am only talking about my academic worries and that there is so much more that I'm worrying/thinking about constantly like body image, relationships (both intimate and platonic), and so much more. I guess the bottom line is I'm scared and nervous about what lies ahead and the steps I'm going to have to take to get there, but aren't we all?