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Was it only me? Anonymous, (16)

In June of 2019 during the time the trains were shut down I got a ride from my aunt's husband- but there were many instances where I felt I was reading to much into things, that I might just be seeing things that weren’t there.  There would be moments when I could tell he was staring at me at times he shouldn’t have, or when he would touch me and choke me in ways you wouldn’t do to a niece.  With all that on my mind, I tried to relax and pretend it was all ok, but he wanted me to sit in the front seat, but I sat in the back with my younger sister (6 at the time). He would keep asking me about boyfriends and my clothes or how old I was even though he knew my age, he would make sure he kept up with my life and what I was doing.  By the time we got to my house, I got my little sister to sleep and he said he was gonna stay the night since it was too late; everyone was already asleep and I was too tired to wake anyone up. I went to sleep no worried because I closed the door hoping it would be an indication to stay out, but I woke up to little nibbles on my ear and kisses on my neck.  I felt so paralyzed I tried to pretend I was sleeping but he kept going until he stopped I don’t know what happened but the feeling of weakness and I had no control over my body. I couldn’t move for 30 minutes until I called my mother crying unable to talk and she called my brother telling him to come into my room to check on me.  I think the worst part about everything that happened was that my aunt didn’t believe that it happened or that I felt so powerless.  To this day I have panic attacks and fear to be outside alone.  I feel so small and he is still with my aunt without a care in the world because I kept his secret.

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1 comentario

17 may 2020

I just wanted to start out by saying you are incredibly strong for speaking out. Personally, I went on for years keeping quiet not only because I was in denial, but because I felt weak and as if no one would understand or believe me. If you feel like no one will believe you then carry truth within yourself. Hold it close to you. I believe you. I have faith in you. I know how lonely it can feel. There is the trauma of what happens to you and then there is this way that you beat yourself up for the way you responded. One thing thing you can never do is blame yourself even when you feel weak. You…

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