What makes you the way that you are, Anonymous (17)

Something I think about all the time is that I'm missing out on so much of being young and in high school because I'm so introverted and quiet. I've never said it out loud or anything and it even feels weird saying it at all but maybe this will help get some stuff out of my brain. I keep everything inside which is probably not great but I just feel weird sharing it with anyone and I have no idea why. I'm really socially awkward and I hate it. people are always going to parties and hanging out with a bunch of people and that's just not my thing. so if I'm having trouble making good friends now in high school when I've known some of the friends I have now since I was little - what am I supposed to do in college? I'm constantly wondering why I don't have the ability to make friends or get closer to the friends I have. I've never really been a part of a friend group and my best friend from moved away in elementary school so I kinda went into high school alone. we talk all the time and I love her to death but it was just different not having her at school with me and getting to hang out all the time. Do you know how on tv shows we used to watch when we were younger every kid had a best friend or a group of friends they did everything with? I loved watching icarly because I though sam, Carly, and Freddy were a super fun friend group. I just assumed everyone had a best friend - but it's not that simple. having a best friend is a gift. I love all of my friends but I just feel like I don't fit in with any of their 'groups' (if that makes sense) so I just feel out of place when I hang out with any of them. I just want to be comfortable so I can be myself around them but I can't shake that awkward feeling. I have one more year of high school and I feel like I have to make the most of it - but how can we do that when we can't go to school? if u read this far I appreciate u :)