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My secret, Anonymous​ (17)

I think the only thing that nobody knows about me is that I’m bulimic. I don’t think I look super bulimic because I’m not paper thin. I’ve always struggled with my body and food. In sports when I was younger I always felt bigger and my coaches loved to point it out. I’ve always been a good eater too, I love food, and growing up I had a huge appetite. I began to develop disorder eating habits but it was spring break last year when my eating disorder really started. It was finally too much and one night after dinner I decided to purge. It was the greatest feeling ever, I felt like I had discovered a loop whole. I can eat whatever I want and then just reverse it. I promised myself I would only purge when I felt like I really needed to but it took over quicker than I expected. On and off for the past year, my bulimia is always on my mind. Sometimes I would purge up to 5-7 times a day and I couldn’t stand the thought of having any food in my stomach. During the fall of last year, I thought I was getting better but now in quarantine, it’s gotten so much worse. It’s all I think about every day and my body is so used to it now that I can feel my stomach and digestive system getting worse and worse. It’s been over a year now and still, nobody knows. I’ve struggled with other things before and I’ve always been able to confide in people and get help but for some reason, I just can’t with my bulimia. It’s just been my secret for so long and I’m scared that it will never go away. I just can’t stop at this point

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1 Comment

May 14, 2020

Thank you for sharing this story. The amount of bravery it takes for someone to do that is amazing. I can completely relate to you in so many ways. What I have found and seen that it’s not so much about food as it is about control. What triggers this mindset? Do you hate the way you look? Do you feel really stressed out in school? Do you compare yourself to others? Do you follow models on social media? It’s so so important to identify your triggers. Doing so will allow you to figure out why you feel the need to do this. And please remember, bulimia is an addiction just like any other way of coping. Once you start,…

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