Anonymous (18)

As a guy this story might be a little different. When I was a kid my older cousin used to sexually abuse me. I refrain from details and never told anyone because it seemed he’d changed and I feel the environment is too toxic. I feel that those actions of the past trickled down to hurt me more in my current future. Over the past 5 years I’ve lost my world twice. Everything changed constantly, through all of it I felt alone. It’s weird because everywhere I went people liked me a lot, but then they got to know me and I wasn’t enough. My freshman year, after a few relatives died, and my dad had a stroke, I felt helpless I tried on my life. I was lucky I survived but my mental illness turned my parents against me. They used therapy as a way to get me to listen not as a way to be heard. After losing all my friends from moving, then losing my grandfather and uncle, I was supposed to be strong for my sister, but in truth I wasn’t. I tried to be social but my school only had 27 kids in my grade, all of whom were beyond competitive. My grades started to tank, I gained 60 pounds and I was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. My parents let me believe that the diagnosis didn’t mean anything that I didn’t need help. As a result, I was in and out of hospitals till my junior year. My parents and I developed a toxic relationship. Me getting kicked out meant the therapist would hear I “ran away”, I struggled to take accountability for my faults, because they refused to acknowledge theirs. They told me negative things about who I was thinking it would motivate me, when it only broke me down. It’s weird because everyone respects this image of me that is out there, however who I am is different from who I was and trying to live up to that image alienated me from myself. I’ve had a lot of people come and go over the last 4. I don’t let go of friends easy, but I’ve finally found a friend group I love, a girlfriend that treats me well and a path towards progress. I hope that all of you realize no matter how small your problems feel they are worth being heard