Family problems, Anonymous (16)

Hi, ever since 8th grade my parent's relationship has been super toxic. It all started when my dad lost his job. My mom would constantly yell at him and me, calling my dad a “pathetic loser” and “gay” and tell me that she hates me and that she will never talk to me again. I also have a little brother (12) but he never got treated like my dad and I did. My dad usually never started the arguments but as soon as they would start drinking, it would always escalate on both ends. I never understood why she treats me the way she did and it made me feel terrible that I always seemed to upset her. The day after they would have these terrible fights, we would all act as if nothing happened and we were this picture-perfect family. I’ve always had a problem with expressing my emotions and I never told anyone about all of the fights and the verbal abuse I went through. I turned to weed as a way to deal with my feelings. I would smoke every night and not tell anybody. As I grew older their fights got worse and worse and even became physical at some points. I always wanted to call the police but was scared that our family image would be ruined. My freshman year was rough. I became distant with my close friends and I kept smoking to distance myself from my life. Halfway through the year My mom almost killed herself and it was tough on the rest of my family and gave me great anxiety over everything. We all moved on as we always do, not speaking much of it. One night as my family and I were leaving a fair, my parents start fighting and eventually gets to the point where my dad throws my moms phone out the window and kicks her out, my brother goes with her. I drive with him and he reveals that my mom has a coke problem. This really made me angry and frustrated. Although it provided an answer for her erratic behaviour. To this day she doesn’t know that I know about her addiction. My parents fighting has gotten better but is nowhere near done. I can not wait to turn 18 and move out. I really hope my relationship with my mom will be better one day.