He made me feel like nothing, Anonymous (17)

I once dated this boy for 3 years. on and off. I was stupid enough to think he was my forever love. bullshit. one day he went on vacation, told him “have fun. be safe. Don’t do anything stupid that would harm you”. He harmed me. At the time we were having issues, I lost weight in a healthy way to please him and to make him feel proud of me. When he went, I thought things were better, facetimed every day. Said “I love you” to each other. Another bullshit. I believed his lies. And then he stopped contacting me so I got upset. I told him I was scared that something happened. He was acting rude which was different than himself. I felt it. Who couldn’t? I told him if he was going to act that way, I didn’t want to continue with the relationship. I knew from within he met someone else. and I was right. He had someone else. Broke my heart. I wanted to end it multiple times before, but he was manipulative. Saying if I ended it, he would self-harm and commit suicide. I hate that feeling. I felt stuck to him. I couldn’t get out. but I loved him. Weird right? The next day we didn’t talk. We both apologized. he said I love you. BULLSHIT. everyday face timing me, I thought everything was fine. Until one day a week later, he said that night I wanted to end it, he hooked up with a girl, lied to my face. LIED. He said he admitted he loved her. I was broken. He blamed it all on me. told me to stop crying. Said it was my fault for saying those words. He lied to my face for a whole week. admitted he was still hanging out and talking to that girl romantically. I had enough. I wanted to end my life. I felt entirely broken inside, he did not care. One single bit. I hated him but loved him. Weird right? I looked at myself in my room... didn’t eat one bit.... lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Unhealthy. I had thoughts, bad thoughts. Saying I wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t. I tried to make everything work for him but it still was not enough... I felt as if I was nothing... I told him to let’s make it work. worst decision ever. we got back together. mentally destroyed. he was still hiding stuff I felt it... I was too scared to confront... scared he was going to yell... embarrass me at school... he didn’t want me seeing my phone... I thought I had a right from what he put me through... he called me insane and that I was the problem... he started all this... I wouldn’t be paranoid if he didn’t do what he did. He made me cry in class. yet. I still loved him. Eventually, he had enough and called it quits. I was still hurt. I started gaining an unhealthy amount of weight. He damaged me. Ladies. Don’t do the same mistake as me. Thank you. Recently, I have a boy who treats me the way I should be treated. There’s always a rainbow at the end of every storm.